Gray Anatomy

Among the coils of gray matter, cells and lymph nodes, deep in the center of my brain I think there is a little compartment with an elf. He sits at a type writer all day and types out random ideas and thoughts. I think his name is Horace. Oh, and he has a British accent- weird…I know.

What does he write about? Anything and everything. The things with the most merit make their way to my vocal chords and I pass them off as my own thoughts, everything else just zips around my neuro pathways, forever banging against my skull. Horace distracts me at the worst of times. He forces his stupid ideas on my when I am driving, he shares his life philosophies with me when I am supposed to be paying attention to something important, and he even wakes me up in the middle of the night with his poetry writing. Crazy elf…

Here is a sample of Horace’s recent ramblings- normally I’d never voice them because they have little merit. But, this is a blog afterall- which means pretty much anything goes. It sounds like me talking but that's because Horace only has a typewriter.

Here goes. (Don't forget the British accent)

On the road you are forced to eat every meal out. I discovered that Hardees is actually really good. For some reason, you seem to only find them in small towns these days but man, they have good burgers. I'll admit, I hate their marketing- here is a pretty good farce of the "Lardees" Thickburger commercials. I mean, no one can compete with the golden trans-fatty goodness that is the McDonalds French fry, but if you're looking for a burger- yummmm.

Another small town treasure is Pamida. I LOVE Pamida. Maybe it's the city slicker in me- I grew up with Walmart and Target. Pamida's are small and cheap and yet I always seem to find some gem I just must have. So next time you drive through small town Iowa, check out the local Pamida.

I think it's weird when a room full of complete strangers says "Bless you" when you sneeze. It's just weird- I don't know you, why are you saying that?

I love it when you are wasting your life away watching TV on a Sunday afternoon and you come across some reruns of a terrible reality show. It turns out it's a marathon and 5 hours later you've watched the whole season. Man, ANYthing can suck you in. For me, this weekend it was, "Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the team 2." I am embarrassed to admit that. But then, I proceeded to get sucked into "The Real Coyote Ugly," and then I finished it off with "I want to look like a high school cheerleader again." Man.... that is way lame.

I've always thought cars should have big screens on the outside where you can type messages to other cars. It's good in theory, it would be like, "Hey, nice rims." But, I suppose in reality it would be more like "Are you kidding me, haven't you evert heard of a turn signal idiot!"

In 2 weeks I am going to see the Artist of the Century in concert... so that's cool.

McDonals Rents DVD's now. I wonder if they rent out that McDonalds bashing movie, Supersize me? Or Fastfood Nation? That would be really weird. I wonder how they decide what to add? Harold and Kumar go to White Castle? No way, that's promoting the competition! Saw 4? Well, the dead bodies kind of resemble Big Mac juice, so maybe not?

Movie theatre popcorn smells good in a buttery, movie'ish kind of way, but also bad, in a smelly sock kind of way. Has anyone else ever noticed that?

Ok, OK, that's enough Horace, go back your brain cage.